The fake news say that I shit my pants in Iran. That is not true. The truth is: I successfully cured constipation.
No time to argue. I am going to wash my ass.

The world falls into great grief when this thing is found to be still alive.

I have ordered the military to guard against the Martians, and never let them kidnap me again. They believe that I am delusional. How? My asshole is painful even up to now.

Security advisers ask me not to use my private phone for business matters, believing that someone may be eavesdropping. How can they be so stupid? When I call, I always first make sure that I am in the room alone.

I only like talking to myself. This way, I save time and I do not invite arguments.

When two women are together, they usually gossip about the 3rd woman. If the 3rd woman joins them, they usually gossip about the 4th woman.

Trump is good at solving problems of his own creation. In fact, he is always better at creation of problems than solving problems.

Love is not to seek a perfect soul, but how to enjoy an imperfect one.

Wise men are often full of doubts and idiots full of convictions.

Transmission speed for messages: TV fast, internet faster and women fastest.

OMG, I love their mocking remarks.

They are playing with Trump and he doesn’t even realize it….

Intoxicating Spring Flowers

Trump called the Orion pilot now orbiting the moon: “do you see Iranian missiles and drones there”? The pilot: “No.” Trump: “Good! I have obliterated the Iranian military. I won!”

A guy wanted to open an account with a Swiss bank. Banker: How much will you start the account? Guy, in a low voice: $5 million. Banker: You may say it aloud. In Switzerland, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.

A: when choosing wife, should I choose someone whom I like, or someone who likes me?
B: Of course the one you like.
A: Why?
B: Do you believe that there will ever be someone who likes you?

Easter Blessing

Look at the green leaves of spring, where the message of resurrection is written all over.
—Martin Luther

复活节的祝福

啊……
你看春天每一片绿叶，
都写满了复活的信息。

马丁·路德

If Trump dies, JD Vance wins by default.

Happy Weekend

Go talk to dome squirrels if you need a break…
I am.

Someone is such a SOB. He named his Bluetooth as a “pig”. Whenever I opened my Bluetooth, I got a reminder that a “pig” wants to pair with me.

Tom bought a World Cup ticket in advance only to realize that his wedding is scheduled for the same date. The ticket is worth $8000 and he would hate to miss the game. Anyone who is kind enough to help complete the wedding in his name and on his behalf?