stop living in the top row!!

“Honey, I’m home! What’s for suffer?” 🍽️🟥🟨🟩 Thanks for the reminder that I need to include more greens in my diet. 💚

Went with a slightly different screenshot but

Yippee! Yahoo! Wow!

@merviking.bsky.social 🧜🏻‍♀️⚔️ SIPrised me 😮 with these badass badge ribbons 📛🖤 in my latest order from @fathomfortuna.bsky.social 🔱, not realizing how SIPpropriate the timing would be. 🎂💝 Chivahn always goes above and beyond❣️ If she keeps this up, she might never get to taste our SIPS. 🚫🔥

I’m a strong “Assmer” responder, even with silly videos (Cardi B’s ASMR-style interview with W Magazine years ago still tickles my brain ✨🧠), but this one doesn’t work for me, because the left-right balance is a hot mess. 🎧🔥 So is Sam 🤪, but his comedy is fire! ❤️‍🔥🤣

Performance Review - pg 8/15

Will the boys choose the bone 🦴 or the phone ☎️?? Find out next time 👀

I got an ask on tumblr complimenting my scruffy Stolas beak bridge and I wanted to look back and see when I started doing it consistently! These were my findings.

It’s been 1️⃣ Earth year 🌎🗓️ since our mortal emissary (M.E.) revealed our exSIPstence to the living world. As our soul Sintern 😈, it’s her job to Hellp us 🔥🤝 pre-advertise to human Sinners, so we raise a cup in her DIS* honor. ☕️ Hell done, no-good and faithless servant! ❤️‍🔥

*Demons In Service 🔗⬇️

These SIPS ☕️🫖🍸 set sale 💳 across the Seven Rings 🌈⭕️🔥 one year ago today. ☝️🗓️ Happy Berthday ⚓🍾 to S³! 🎈🎉🥳

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #coffee #cafe

I'm glad it's getting colder here ❄️
#Stolitz

Stolas has his hand against his head, looking terribly confused as he says, "But— But we haven't talked about— I didn't think—" Blitz's posture deflates. He looks very sad as he thinks, 'Ah shit.' Blitz sets a gentle hand against Stolas' arm and tries to console him, saying, "Hey, hey! It's not a big deal! We just got a little mixed up!" Blitz is trying his best to look cheerful as he goes on to say, "But I can— I can show you a thing or two about cookin'! This snack knows how to MAKE snacks, right?"

pg 12 — even devastated as he is, Blitz tries to salvage the situation...

My friend is in Japan supervising updates to the park at Tokyo Disney, and he just went to some penis festival. 🩷

We Americans are failing at life. 😞

Easter brunch with my family. 🍽️🐇

Me: “What’s that demon thing?“ 😈

Everyone:

Me: “WHAT’S THAT DEMON THING?!” 🗣️

My sister: “You mean, the cow?“ 🐮

It’s holding baby formula. 🍼👶

😳

Happy Easter

Happy Luster to all who Hellabrate! 🍆🫦❤️‍🔥

One of the things I love about Stolitz is that you can make a beauty and the beast AU and tell me that either of them is the beast or the beauty, and I'll be like "yeah, that checks out"

Stolitz in a nut shell

Image of Gud Job goat (aka Tabasco/Bleatzø) from the Helluva Boss short Chupacabras (2024) presiding over a satanic ritual in a barn. © SpindleHorse. Created by Vivienne “VivziePop” Medrano.

For those who need extra stamina today when portaling to Earth 💠✨🌎 for Unholy Satyr Day ⛧🐐, we’re offering The G.O.A.T.* 🔥🌶️🍫☕️⬇️ with a shot of espresso ⚡️ at no extra charge.

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #Chupacabras #coffee #cafe

*NO actual goats 🙅 are sinvolved in Unholy Satyr Day.

Stolas is still sweating and blushing, looking awkward as he asks, "W-what in Lucifer's name is going on?! I thought you were going to teach me how to cook! Not... ehm..." Blitz looks very confused as he repeats, "Cook...?" Then his expression becomes horrified as the realization dawns on him. He says, "Wait— When you asked me to show you "some moves," you meant cooking LITERALLY?!" Stolas replies, "Of course! I purchased the ingredients and everything!" He gestures to the fallen bag of groceries scattered on the floor. Blitz argues, "I thought you went out to get like— flavored lube! And I dunno, maybe a sexy food like whipped cream!"

pg 11 — the realization they had different definitions of "cook"

To Hellabrate the month of Cloapril, we’ve partnered with the style Sinfluencers 😈 at Coop 🪶 to create a “cloacandle” 🕳️🕯️ that smells just like 👃…our Mocha Java Cloaca! With notes of #coffee ☕️, chocolate 🍫, caramel 🟫, and cream 🥛, it sets a SIPSy mood. ♨️❤️‍🔥

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #cafe #mocha

I can confidently walk alone in the forest now that I'm armed with this sharp tip. 🗡️🛡️🤲👶 Thank you, friend! 🙏

This is purely cloincidental and not in ANY 🙅‍♀️ way related to Cloapril 🗓️🕳️🪶 (why 🤷‍♀️ does everyone think so? 🤔💭), but we know that many of you like to look at your LOACA in the mirror 🪞☕️, and when you do, the same front view looks “back” at you! 👀

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #coffee #cafe #mug

Blitzø Buckzo
- Daddy
- Cutie patootie
- Has never done anything wrong in his life
- If he dies I die
- I've only had him for *checks calendar* three years, but if anything were to happen to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

Sorry I lied earlier. Here's clown Stolas to make up for it
#clownstolas

Stolas has hearts in both sets of his eyes as he gapes at Blitz, drool running from his mouth. Blitz smacks the spatula against his hand and from this angle it's clear he's wearing nothing underneath that cooking apron. Stolas stutters out, "Uhhhmm..." But before he can get a coherent thought out, Blitz says, "First thing's first! Put on your uniform!" And he throws a matching apron at Stolas, this one pink with black lace trim. Stolas is still blushing fiercely and looks like he doesn't know how to handle what's happening. Blitz circles around Stolas as he says, "Gonna need you to whip out those sweet buns so chef can show you how to fill 'em with cream~" Then he gives Stolas a good spank on the ass with the spatula. Stolas likes it rough. He cries out in pleasure, dropping the groceries.

pg 10 — I'm sure you all saw this pun cuming from a mile away

Happy Cloapril, fools! 🤪 To demon-strate that this is no joke 🚫🃏, our Mocha Java Cloaca SIPS (Café Cloaca ☕️🪶 and Frozen Cloaca 🦚❄️🧋) will be 6.66% off for the hole month 🕳️🗓️, in addition to our 3-in-1 LOACA bundle (in-store only). C details ⬇️

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #coffee #cafe

❤️‍🩹
#helluvaboss #Stolitz

Not to pat my own back, but have you seen my Helluva Boss blends on Adagio?

www.adagio.com/signature_bl...

Lea, you deserve to enjoy heaving patting 👋 for this achievement. ⭐ Helluva Teas are in steep cupetition 🏆 for my favorite brews of all time! ❤️‍🔥🫖 I’m currently SIPping Pretty Bird 🦉🪶 from S³’s LOACA mug ☕, which is exSIPtionally SIPpropriate. 👌

Take our LOACA #mug for a spin 🌀 and go on the record ⚫️✋ that you’re a Lover Of A Coffee Abyssiness. 🤎 Now available in a hole rainbow of colors 🔗👇 just waiting to be filled. 🌈💦☕️

C you next brewsday! 🗓️♨️👋

#HelluvaBoss #Hellaverse #coffee #cafe

cafepress.com/shop/sipsipsips